Cat Mantra

Me am.
Me am me.
Me am.

Me am.
Me am me.
Me am.

Parrot

"Hello. I'm a talking pig."

This voice was obviously emerging from the
cage of a large green parrot, 

which was partially concealing its beak behind one claw, 
like a terrible amateur ventriloquist.

"Oh, ex-cu-u-u-se me!" the voice continued. 

“I turned into a parrot!”

Sheboygan

Now whatcha gonna do,
you who
never had
any hope?

You can laugh like your leg just broke!
You can laugh like Sheboygan!

Machine à fuir

c'est pas pour penser
la cervelle
ni aimer

pas pour chanter
ni dire

machine à fuir

Radio Topeka

This is Pop-Pop-Pop-Papa Toolbox reporting for
Topeka Hot Topix and this is my sidekick
the am-oozing
the am-eezing
the amazing
Pop Squid!

Blimey! I'm Pop Squid!
Is this sex?
Wot eez zeez "sex" zey speek uff?

Eez eet zee oozy-woozy woo-woo?
Eez eet cow-bouncing?
Eez eet zee bow-wow boogie-woogie?

And now...

And now...

And now it's time to spin
the top ten pop hits in Topeka tonight

for all you sweet ladies

floating so far away in the dark.

Hex

What I want is love and a hundred sexes!

Will you be my blood-angel?
Will you be my witch?
Will you be my witch for a hundred sexes?

Nine Nakednesses

I saw nine nakednesses on my way to Paradise
and for all I know there may be a
new and different nakedness in every atom.

I saw

so much shining

that after the first
nine nakednesses, I was as blind as Moses.

Translation

This is a poem that translates into darkness.

Get down on your knees!
Give away all your money!
Forget about art!

My friends!

Are you
more like a tweet, or more like the
heat of a thousand suns?

Are you the ogre in my genome?
Are you daughters of art?
Are you money?

My darlings!

Ring every alarm!
Hock your bong! Hock your bling! Hock your karma!
Get down on your knees!

Give away all your money!

November in Bel Air

I saw your ghost on TV
and it was a

trac-trac-trac-tragic ac-ac-ac-cident, they say.

I heard your ghost on the radio,
on a cold day in November,

ghosts of loganberries under the hedgerows,

an apocalyptic
slowdown on Sunset Boulevard, and

those

old

photographs of ourselves are burning.

Installer

I'm an XXX Extreme Gamer.
Are you my moonbeam?

I work 77/7/365!
I work 77/7/365!

Are you my moonbeam?
Am I your installer?

Mustard

Some tomatoes turn white.
Were they ambushed by albumen?

Word!

I'm as bald as an oyster.
I'm as bald as an electron.
I'm as bald as mustard,
and you can't pay for mustard with mustard!

Wetland

Do you know where we are?
On what continent?
In what cosmos?

Do you own this dinette?
Did you build it?
Did you forge the knives?
Did you cut up the victims?
Did you cook the meat?
Did you eat it?

Do you know where we are?

A Song About Phonics

Let me sing you a song about phonics.

TRA LA-LA LA-LA LA-LA LA
TRA LA-LA TRA LA-LA TRA LA!

PHONICS!

You'll be screaming for your mommies
before you get out of here!

Screaming for your mommies!

PHONICS!

TRA LA-LA LA-LA LA-LA LA
TRA LA-LA TRA LA-LA TRA LA!

SCREAM!

PHONICS!

TRA LA-LA LA-LA LA-LA LA
TRA LA-LA TRA LA-LA TRA LA!

Ennui

ennui épouvantable
ennui fou

ennui/fleur au feu rouge
ennui/feu au fer bleu

ennui épouvantable
ennui fou

Juillet

soleil rouge

lune nue

juillet

Fantônyme

Ainsi je parle!
Impossible!
Si!

Ne suis-je
Fantômas anonyme?

Internet du nom!
Nom du nom de la belle...

Ô la belle ô la belle ô la belle saison!

Ton beau font!
Mon pont romain!

Fantônyme!

Oubliette

cul à cul
bec à bec
avec
mon ami
y-grec

oubliette oubliée!
minuit absolue!

ami
enfant
abruti
sang
sifflé

Jour Brisé

rien ne manque!
ni Nicole ni Coco
ni Coco ni Nicole

voilà le jour brisé

nuit
ébahie
hélas!

laisse tomber ton poulet!

la folie
y passe

Zoo

Are you my twin,
or are you my taxi?

Are you my twin,
or are you my sex-zoo?

Safe For Work

Did you drool in my cubicle?
Did you lube my truck?
Is your brain a knee-knuckle?
Are you safe for work?

You and Me

One of me is ten seconds ahead,
one of me is ten seconds behind.

This is more than I want to know about anyone!

One of me is an eyeball,
one of me is blind.

This is more than I want to know!

Oracle in the cellar, fresco-rose!
Are we falling

farther and farther from our
heart's desire?

I don't want to know!

Hypnosis

When our nursemaid surrendered,
and swam out of her submarine,
we found numbers buried under numbers,
and dreams buried under dreams.

Club

Show me your junk!
You think I'm joking?
You're the joke!

Uncork your little cruet, cutie!
Hunk da hunk!
Unzip your suture!
Suck my tusk!

Tadpoles

Are we men, or are we
Oedipal tadpoles?

Tadpoles!

Are we men or are we men or are we
Oedipal tadpoles?

Tadpoles!

Ack!

Wake up, stupid!
Get out and buy yourself a battleship!

It's the Attack of the Spastic Masturbators!

They attack from Bangkok and Bucharest,
and they always die happy.

Mop

Swampers walking home from work at
6 AM and I'm jammed in a limo with
everyone I know or ever knew.

Or maybe I'm riding a mop-truck,
and everyone I
know is a
mop.

Iraq Iran

Spank the sissy!
Spank the sissy's kin!
Win in Iraq Iran Iraq Iran Iraq Iran!

My beanie is bigger than your bedpan!
I nabbed your baby!
We can always breed again!

Win in Iraq Iran Iraq Iran Iraq Iran!

Can you paint the constellations,
or buy Batman back from the cinema of bedpans?
Am I under your beanie?

Win in Iraq Iran Iraq Iran Iraq Iran!

Bum

My decoder ring is beeping.
I assume it's a call from you.

I'm the Thumb of God, and you're the
only bum who knows my number.

Ribs

All I ever wanted was a little bar & grill
with a couple of strippers and a
red carpet on the runway.

Ribs, strippers, and bibs!
That's the ticket!

Ribs, strippers, and bibs!

Mommy

I was born in a morgue!
I hate the taste of blood!
I share my roomette with a hundred executioners!

Mommy!

If we only had a boat, or a sofa-bed!
We could always watch TV on our sofa-bed,
or sail far away in our boat.

Ham

Are you an alumnus of my 
unlicensed laundromat?

I ham who I ham!

I ham who am!

I ham who ham, 
and I burned up all your underpants!

Generation X-Ray

Today you may be
the pearliest
particle-laureate at M.I.T. and
tomorrow you may be

the most

under-educated earl in West
Essex, East Wessex, North Sussex, and so on.

Are you a Dane?
I will pay you to go away!

Today you may be fathers and daughters or mothers and sons
and tomorrow you may be nothing.

Bad Nicknames

I'm the Gizzard of Oz!
O ye mighty digerati!

I'm the Gizzard of Oz!

I can gargle a clam!
I'm a gnat in your jam
You repealed my peruke!

I'm the Puke of Url!

Scalper

I'm a math-and-calf-scalper.
Are you my calf?

What's the square root of 27889?
What's the cube root of 487443403?

I'm a math-and-calf-scalper.
Are you my calf?

Star

Duck quacks under the radar
Duck says you're a star.

Duck quacks under the radar
Duck says you're a star.

Duck walks into a bar and asks for water.
but he don't want it in a glass.
No, he don't want it in a bathtub neither.

He wants it in another world.

Bollywood Romance

You were born with seven moons,
but I'm your first planet, and you met me on Bollywood Boulevard.

You could also call it love in a bucket.

Am I your map?
Are you my panther?
Am I your planet panther tantra?

Glass

love turns into glass

love turns into glass

i am ash of your ash of your ashes

glass of your glass

Was Geronimo an Orange?

Was Geronimo an orange?
I saw an orange painting of him with a pocky complexion even.
Unstoppable gigantic
orange rolling down on Yankee soldiers,
orange
crazy for revenge, revenge infinite, infinite revenge.

Bullfrog

                                                                                          photo: Pentti Sammallahti
Bullfrog says he's as
big as the moon, and
how do you know he isn't?

Jonah

Most of us are amateurish masturbators.

We want Jonah to throw up the whale!
Bake my ghost!
Tweak my heehaw!

What we really need is multiple urethras!
What we really need is a trumpet voluntary!

But here we are, in our dark little rooms,
wheezing...

Here we are again, in our dark little rooms,
wheezing...

Post-Election Blues

What you wanted was a
rock'n'roll

Jesus who would
eat your creditors and
excrete codeine.

What you got was a hay-ride with
500 horny oldsters!

Eat my eggs!

Diet

Transmute drunks into umbras,
nausea into abasement, debutantes into butter, 
meerkats back into debutantes, butter back into butter.

Then what?

Then nothing!

No more drunks, umbras, nausea, or abasement!
No more debutantes!
No more butter!

Indus

My name is Khalid Irfan.
Today I woke up in Skardu.
Tonight I will sleep in Mohenjo-daro.
Five stars are my fathers.
Five rivers are my sons.

In the mists above Karachi,
how many droplets jostle and coalesce?
Contracts and marriage vows dissolved
by the law of water.

From Kang Rinpoche to Sapta Singhu,
water woven into wind,
wind woven into water,
blue into blue.

What I Learned in Iraq

Did you learn how to fly?

Yes, I learned how to fly,
and I learned that

none of us

can

be

purified,

except by torture and humiliation.

Roaches

I think with my feet!
Are you some kind of robot?
My heart is an artichoke!
I only exist in a Hollywood out-take!


I think roaches are cute!
They got three little crotches!
They talk in trochees!
They eat candy for breakfast!
I think with my feet!

Dirty Money

People talk about bribes and
"dirty money" on the radio
and what they don't
understand is that it's all
dirty money,
every god-damned dollar in the world.