Stalker

My real name rhymes with zebra!
I'm stalking the Queen of Sweden

as we speak!

Too Cute to Die

If you're ever about to be executed,
don't bother to beg your

ex-girlfriend to pay the exorbitant ransom!

She moved to Milan more than 25 years ago!
She won't even take your calls!

Sign

It looks like a sign to
warn children away from
unsafe drinking water!

They say it can sing like Milton Eisenhower!
It amuses the fawns!

Aren't they darlings?

It amuses the darling fawns!

Wild West

Are you in love with a horse
or are you more like naked?

Naked means naked!
Hanged means hanged!

A horse is horse!

A horse is a horse and a horse is naked!

Birthday Surprise

We ran for the exits.
The exits ran away.

Why were we even running?
Where else did we want to be?

Then the trees ran away,
then the sky,

then the ducks ran away with the bunnies,
and none of them said goodbye!

Closer

Some people got love.
Some didn't.

Some people got hate.
Some didn't.

Some people say the world
sways like a cradle.

Some people say the world
sways like an earthquake.

Some people say the world sways like an earthquake
and we're closer to the end than the beginning.

Week-end

It's the end of the world!
It's the end of the week!

Our sleek but
plus-size housekeeper pulses in her sleep!

Our God is a hockey puck!
Our world is a fluke!

It's the end of the war!
It's the end of the week!

Our sleek but
plus-size housekeeper pulses in her sleep!

In the Army of Cannibals

Did you really re-enlist in the
Army of Cannibals?

No, I never re-enlisted!

I was born in the
Army of Cannibals!

I will die in the
Army of Cannibals and in the

Army of Cannibals I will be
eaten.

I Am My Selfie

We who pretend to be
pure of heart

We who pretend to be
selfless

I am my selfie
motherfuckers

I am my selfie
motherfuckers

We who pretend to be
pure of heart

We who pretend to be
selfless

Boomerang

Maybe I be famous for screaming-in-the-sanctuary!
Maybe I be famous for hurdy-blood-gurdy!
Maybe I be famous for murder-words-bum-udders!

(I can also throw a boomerang.)

Maybe I be famous for freak-you-out-Abigail!
Maybe I be famous for feed-you-to-my-pigs!
Maybe I be famous for fat-like-forget-you!

(I can also knit a sock.)

Motto

I was never a god,
but I was pop-pop-pop-

popular at Hollywood High School,
and I never stopped howling our motto!

Panther Eats the Stars!

Malibu is very bio-diverse community, a typical pool-party party includes four or five different species who don't always play nicely together, and midway through the evening you may find yourself bleeding from the ears in an unlicensed animal hospital on the outskirts of Rancho Cucamonga.

So here I am in a big grassy field with my new best friend Mr. Cobra and his job is slithering through the tall weeds and biting me on the neck, while my job is getting bitten by a cobra and being a very good sport about it!

Mr. Cobra appeared in more than sixty Hollywood productions before he became the famous party animal that we all know and love today, so he doesn't just slither invisibly through the grass, he rattles his tail on every dry stalk, hissing all the while like a deranged reptilian tea-pot!

"So bite me already," I scream! "I'm ready to die!"

But instead I endure hour after hour of this hissing slithering refugee from the Naked Jungle or the Naked City or some other equally hideous film-noir!

Hiss hiss and hiss!

Mr. Bullfrog and his beautiful wife join in from the nearby swamps of Malibu, and now we're singing...

Hiss! Boom!

At last Mr. Panther appears with a life-like replica of Shirley Temple in his jaws, blood and bits of Shirley Temple hit the walls, and one by one all the faraway stars disappear in the soft Pacific twilight.

Sleep

I'm the hockey puck that knocked out
Bobby Orr's front teeth!

Now he doesn't even look like a human being!

He screams all night!
His own mother offered me $10,000 to kill him!

"Put him out of his misery!"

"Please!"

Hound on Grandma

I'm a hound on the
ground with a mango engram!

I'm a hound on Grandma!

I gave you a life and you transformed it into a
gormless freak-show for your

Romeos and oglers!

Now you want me to drown?

I'm a hound on the
ground with a gringo genome!

I'm a hound on Grandma!

How I Fixed the Economy

All the bees died first,
then all the girls.

So I hitchhiked to Washington and
killed all the politicians

but all the bees died first,
then all the girls.