I Own Your Eggs

Ether on your tongue!
Typhus in your hoohoo!

Bitch, this isn't a typo!

I own your eggs!

School Lunch

You need magnesium in your diet?
Chew my watch!

Iron deficiency anemia?
Shove a fork up your ass!

We count gangrene as a veggie!
Gangrene!

It's a veggie!
Gangrene!

Spork

"I am God, the all-purpose utensil!"

(God looks like a spork, and a blob of
spaghetti is stuck to the back of his head.)

"I am God, the all-purpose utensil!"

"For the lucky few, I'm a humongous
Swiss Army knife, with a corkscrew-disgorger-reamer!
For the others, I'm a spork."

Fum

Fee fi fo fum!
Are we having fun yet?

Hack the fax!
Gag the hag!
Smack the cracker!

My cake aches for you!

Fee fi fo fum!
Are we having fun yet?

Mommy June

We're not really a band.
The only instrument we own is a pitch-pipe.

Honk!

Did we sleep through the blooper reel?

Honk!

We invented the feelies!

Honk!

Mommy June is our meth-angel!

Honk!

We ate her pets!

Wasteland

My tongue is falling asleep.

My tongue is falling falling falling asleep.

Someone slowly draws sails on a blackboard.
Someone talks about talk.

Dreams walk across my brain
like ants walking over jelly.

Sigma Chi

I am ill, Sigma Chi!

King Tut bit me!
Then he hurled!
We had to lick it up!
He made us lurk in the basement until Halloween.
Then we killed him.

Hulks in kilts are still dancing on his chin!
They wedged him a wedgie!
They ate his glands.

Those hicks should chill!
The Gilded Age is over.
Nobody survived!

I am ill, Sigma Chi!
My world is dying, and I don't know why.

AK-47

I'm a clam at your clambake!
Ack ack!

Are your eyeballs retractable?
Ack ack!

Were you born in re-Borneo?
Ack ack!

Are you more like a clam or a crackerjack?
Ack ack!

Coca in my beak!
Coca in my oboe!

Ack ack!

Blue

What do you see?

I see blue sky and stars
behind the blue

and

you

here

now.

Bomb

Is my cow from another planet?
How would I know?
I saw her eating laundry at the laundromat.
She was down on all fours!
Eating laundry at the laundromat!
I wish she would eat a bomb!

Surrender

You may drown in the
darkness of surrender,

or you may drown in a
drop of rain,

and even when you drowned in the
nothing of the nothing,

as soon as you went under,
you saw hundreds of hidden suns.

James Bond

Am I your nursemaid?
I can't drive you around forever!
I wish I had a suicide pill!
All we ever do is drive around and around
and I don't know
how you turned out so wrong!
All your siblings are eagles and peacocks!
Gigantic thoroughbred race horses!
Greta Garbo!
John Wayne!

Your Uncle Freddy is standing on the moon!

Your dad can whistle with his feet!

But all we ever do is drive around and around
and I never wanted to be a Bond Girl anyway!

I get shot all the time!
They made me eat a worm!
I was always naked!

Now my husband and I own a string of laundromats
and all we ever do is drive around.

Are we dead yet?

Are we dead yet?

Are you clever?
Why not?
Are you clever?
Why not?
Are you clever?
Why not?

Are we dead yet?

Rumba

What we need is a fuck-tax,
and if the Duke don't like it,
I got my dumbbell and my ice-ax!

Rumba dumba!

What we need is a fuck-tax,
and if the Duke don't like it,
he can fax us his adieux!

Rumba dumba!

Ants

I was born in an ethical ant-hill.
I was raised by the ethical ants.

Have you seen the ants dancing?
They dance all the time!
Some of them can even tap-dance!

Tap tap tap tappity tappity tap!
Tappity tap tap tap tap tap!

Can you dance with the ethical ants?
Am I dancing?

Am I dancing the ethical ant-dance?